100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Spy Equivalency
by Shenandoah76209
Summary: Believe it or not, the NSA didn't miss Joyce Kim's interest in Leonard. Or the exploding elevator. They like to keep an eye on that sort of thing.


Rules:

1\. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2\. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3\. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4\. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5\. Deadline is October 31, 2015.

* * *

 **100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Spy Equivalency**

For all their intelligence they had poor observational skills. At least as those skills applied to their everyday lives. She'd given them a story and they'd accepted it, never noticing all the little things that didn't fit into the vacuous party girl image she projected.

She'd expected to work harder to fool a bunch of scientists but they were men after all. When confronted with a pretty face their hormones and social conditioning worked against the best of them. Only Sheldon was fairly immune. She liked him best just because of that.

And really, after the Joyce Kim debacle and their elevator 'mysteriously' exploding, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that someone was assigned to keep an eye on Sheldon. Physicists on the cusp of proving string theory weren't exactly thick on the ground. And there was always the possibility that Cooper would stumble over something with practical applications. He didn't live in a vacuum after all and his fascination with superheroes lent itself to experimentation.

It was inconvenient having Hofstadter panting after her. Even more so when he began to steal her mail. She'd had to call her handler from an unsecured line to request a second method of communication. And having Cooper come in and clean while she slept had freaked her out. She'd nearly killed him until she'd realized who he was. But that was all water under the bridge and part and parcel of dealing with an idiosyncratic genius. Now she considered him a friend. And watched him all the more carefully because of it.

Penny shrugged and began to write her report, submitting it in through one of her many online shoe store websites.

* * *

The really loud humming coming from Sheldon's apartment was unusual. Walking in to see Sheldon encased in a huge net of light streams generated by some odd machine on his coffee table was a bit startling. When he said her name the light had reached out and grabbed her, until she was wrapped in her own little light net adjacent to his.

When that happened he'd looked shocked and began to frantically push the buttons on his machine. The light flared brightly, painfully and then there was a static crackling before everything went dark.

Faint illumination from the windows confirmed that it was just a power outage, not blindness, and she put out a hand to find Sheldon. "Sheldon, sweetie," Her voice sounded, not inappropriately, unnerved. "What was that?"

Sheldon was moving around, returning to her side with flashlights. "That was an experiment."

"Believe it or not, I am smart enough to figure out that much." Penny frowned. There was something odd going on with her vision. It was adjusting to the lack of light a lot quicker and she could hear everything. When Sheldon bumped the table and an odd little sphere fell off it she caught it easily. She inhaled and the scent of Sheldon's soap, his aftershave and shampoo reached her nostrils. "Sheldon, what did you do?"

"I was..." His tone read like embarrassment. "I was trying to fix something. I've been working on it for a while. No one knows. It's private."

"What were you trying to fix?" Penny hoped he wasn't sick. Nothing in the medical records she'd accessed indicated a serious illness. He was a hypochondriac but that was harmless.

"Me." Sheldon looked at her. "I've been accused of being a twitching bundle of neurosis and impossible to live with, deal with, talk to..." He trailed off forlornly. "It gets...lonely."

"And how was that big ball of webbed light going to help you?" Penny looked at him worriedly. She could tell what it had done to her, but what had it done to him?

"It was going to fix my mind," Sheldon confessed. "Rewire my neural pathways so that my phobias and OCD were fixed."

"Did it work?" It was blunt but she had to know if he'd actually done it.

"Something has changed," Sheldon looked at her closely. "My perceptions are altered. Only time will tell if my mental issues have been cured."

"Sheldon, you were messing around with your brain. With your beautiful genius mind. That was incredibly dangerous. What if you'd gotten hurt?" Penny stared at him. "What was so important that you had to do this? Because this decision wasn't made out of the blue."

She could hear his heartbeat speed up, his body chemistry changed subtly and he looked at her closely. "Because of you Penny." He took in her surprised expression and nodded, "Leonard has claimed that your children will be smart and beautiful. And he clings to that notion, mocking any theory that you could be interested in someone else."

Penny's thoughts zigged, zagged and leapt to a conclusion. "He caught you looking at me and made fun of you didn't he. He said you didn't have a chance with me, with your OCD and phobias and apparent dislike of sex." His nod was all she needed to confirm that theory. "So you decided you'd fix yourself." She smiled and took his hand, "There's an easy way to see if it worked. Why don't you try it and see?"

His hand tightened around hers, pulled her towards him and his mouth slanted over her lips, tasting gently and then devouring until she was half in his lap and then pressed down on the couch, his body over hers, hot and perfect and Yes!

* * *

If purring were in her physical capabilities she'd purr. Penny wrapped her arms around Sheldon's slim waist and felt him wheeze a little laugh against her neck. "You smell wonderful Penny."

She smiled. "Yeah, so do you honey. I think your machine upped my senses or something. Or helped my brain process what my nerve endings tell it better." She kissed his head, breathing in his scent. "When did you figure it out?"

"That you're NSA," Sheldon was smiling lazily as he kissed her neck. "About a week after you moved in. It wasn't hard. And you weren't doing any harm. I hated that you were sleeping with Leonard though."

"Never slept with Leonard." Penny corrected, "Leonard was given a mild dose of a hallucinogen that made him suggestible when he slept. The power of suggestion did the rest. It was harmless, and it kept my cover intact. You're the first man I've slept with in over three years."

"Good." His hand squeezed her hip. "I'm feeling rather possessive of my pretty spy and I don't share well. I'm sure you've noticed."

Penny laughed, "I had actually." She took a deep breath and noticed his body stirring again. "But I'm afraid I'll have to do something about Leonard and Amy. Howard is harmless, he actually works for the NSA too. And Raj is an ally. But Leonard has been taking money from a very questionable organization and Amy is flat out working for terrorists, trying to worm her way into your affections."

"That was never gonna happen," Sheldon's south Texas twang was more evident when he was relaxed. It was cute. "My affections are firmly taken." His hands were wandering again and she decided to concentrate on him and his affections for the time being. Work could wait another hour or so.

* * *

Satisfying as it might be to simply put a bullet in Leonard's head there were legalities to deal with. Of course after she'd ruthlessly gone through his laptop, home computer, work computer and phone, she had more than enough evidence of malfeasance to do that satisfying thing.

Sheldon had reassured her that as soon as Leonard had moved in and shown a bit too much interest in Sheldon's work that he'd stopped doing anything more than doodling on his boards at home. The office was kept locked when he wasn't in it.

Penny inhaled slowly and as she exhaled squeezed the trigger. There was a very satisfying burst of red and with several more shots Leonard's contacts were dead as well. Now she only had to take care of Amy.

That would be someone else's job, via a different method.

* * *

Entering the apartment a few days later to find Sheldon waiting with dinner was pleasant. The kiss he gave her was heart-stopping. "I doubt I can ever duplicate it but I think my experiment was a success. With a little bonus. Look." He pointed at a can and it slowly hovered in mid air."

Penny giggled, "I don't think this is the lab accident the boys had in mind. But I'll be your minion if you wanna be a supervillain honey."

His grin was shy but sweet. "I'd rather just win the Nobel prize. And be your boyfriend. Or husband someday."

"That sounds even better." Penny kissed him. "And Amy died of a severe allergic reaction to shellfish. So that problem is solved too."

"How shall we celebrate." His bright blue eyes gleamed wickedly and she grinned tugging him towards his bedroom. Dinner could wait.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay so a little OOC but hopefully not too much. Hope you enjoy. And as usual, all flaming trollish reviews will be deleted and the reviewers thanked for driving up my page views. Love ya!


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